As most of you know, My heart was metaphorically slaughtered unhumanely by my ex.  This has brought on some serious thoughts on dating and relationships i havent had to deal with for the past four years:

I am too weird to date any one normal, and not weird enough to date anyone insane. Marks friends are pawning me out like a fucking appetizer...the thought is sweet...but i dont think im ready to get my heart put through a paper shredder again.  I don't even know what i want... and ill openly admit that.  I dont know who i want, And frankly i dont know where im going or what im doing anymore...its slightly stressful but i dont want to think about it.  I move super soon, and im scared.  I have to grow up even more and I'm not even ready to shower daily and i cannot even decide what I Want for breakfast.

GET OVER YOURSELF YOU"LL FIND ME UNDER YOUR SKIN -JUNE

Currently Listening Rebellion By Arcade Fire see related

Prom is one day...okay...not even a full day.  ONE EVENING! why are you jokers going to spend hundreds of dollars for one evening?  I'm not.  I spent $20(which was on jewelry that I can wear again) and that is all dear friends. Just to put it into perspective I have a list of ways you can spend your money that are going to last:

• a sound system for your car
• an assload of new cds for your (probably shitty) cd collection
• instead of a dress: 3 pairs of jeans and at least 6 new shirts and some shoes
• a hot looking comforter set with silk sheets ( you can buy me that if you want)
• concert tickets for the rest of the year
• a cheap computer
• a kick ass photo printer
• pay someone to do all of your homework for a whole school year (hell ill do it)
• buy things for when you move out (kitchen supplies etc)

I think the male population needs a good ol kick to the ovary...hard.

I find myself and friends (especially Lindsay) significantly ruined by the male species.  Everytime we try to get close to someone we get fucked in the ass.  And everyone hates a good ass fucking.  I'm sorry that we haven't volunteered ourselves to be the community (or hell even state wide) bicycle and have our insecurities be saved by putting out.  To the girls that do this... i say you have a dirty whorish mouth...and you should probably die from lock jaw. HAH! (or aids... which ever comes first)

On the other hand... the males that take advantage of these whores... are not who we are eagerly wanting to hook up with.  The males that appear to be decent human beings who are friends with showering, kindness, and intellegence are a lot more appealing.  But do we appeal to them? sometimes...for a while.  But then... us non-dramatic, average looking females get outdone by some abercrombie wearin', nappy haired, drama obsessor that can't spend a moment with out him.

Why are we normal (okay...maybe not normal...but weird in a good way), attractive, non-clingy, non-dramatic, non-whorish (its a word damn it) girls rejected????

because... well if i knew i wouldn't be fucking complaining idiot.

THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME SO NOW HERES SOMETHING TO GOSSIP ABOUT

It is a good thing I'm a heartless ice queen... otherwise those comments might have gotten to me on the previous post.  This is an opinion....venting....exagerations...etc. get over it.

My main problem with school right now is the student body.  The MAJORITY (since i apparently have to state a statistic so people don't just assume I mean the whole student body) is so wrapped up in their social standing or their boyfriend/ girlfriend they are forgetting what really matters...which is what is ahead.  Since multiple people have told me to update...i decided to.  And also since multiple people have left negative comments I have decided to MAKE this personal....

I have been told recently by the majority of the student body that i am "concieted", "fat", "arrogant", "starving for attention", "self-absorbed"....oh how the list goes on, so this post is directed to those of you who find that to ring true:

Today I was diagnosed by a psychologist.  I didn't want to talk about this or think about this, but maybe its better than the person you FIND me to be:

I have dysthymia, first episode major depression, and possible bipolar dissorder.  In lamemans terms: I'm messed up, pesamistic, insecure, and hate myself.  Quite the opposite of what was listed above.

I find it amusing how no matter what you loose... you try to be outgoing...your trying to be cool and trying to stand out.  You try to be reserved... you get looked over and no one notices you.  Well, I'm just being myself (which according to the diagnosis I don't even know what that is).  I'm leaving this town in three months...think what you wish...i am who i am.

OTHER THINGS YOU CAN SAY ABOUT ME THAT ARE ACTUALLY TRUE:

- I cheated on my boyfriend

- I once thought I was pregnant ... and it wouldn't have been Marks

- I can't sleep by myself and I'm afraid of the dark

- I used to make myself throw up

- I know I'm fat, I don't think I'm popular or pretty... but if I lie maybe it will come true.

I'm sure that I can think of other stuff later, but that should keep you talking for a while.